If it's not already obvious by the picture and title of this post, I have to confess that I have been delving into the depths that is Breaking Bad. The story, at least from my Christian worldview, is a fantastic allegory that speaks to the moral depravity of human nature and the saving grace of God. To think that scenarios like what are portrayed in the show actually happen to real people completely blows my mind, but I guess it shouldn't be all too surprising considering our fleshly sin nature. So it is that for a moment I would like to unpack a few thoughts that this show has impressed upon me in relation to Christ.
Proverbs 16:18 states, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." Perhaps this is the entire basis for our current fallen state (as well as Walter's): that one man would chose his own way over humbly following God's. The first victim of pride was Adam. Now, Walter's own decisions are equally flawed. This is to say, when faced with the opportunity to have all of his debts washed away in an instant by a loving friend, instead Walter pridefully chose to work tediously for his own economic salvation. We all know where that got him: further down the methamphetamine rabbit hole. At every turn he found that things were spiraling out of control with more and more cold blood being shed by his own hand. As time continued on and business got further out-of-hand the pain and guilt that came with dealing and killing lessened to an almost nonexistent point. Sure, he was still affected by some distinct instances, but his heart was most definitely hardened to much of the gruesome results of his aforementioned pride.
At one point Walter is asked by his wife if he is in danger, to which he replies, "I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks!" How telling is this interaction (and how great is that line)! The man has gone full Heisenburg! A complete change has occured in his character that has brought him from a respected chemistry teacher to a deranged lunatic, all for the sake denying grace from a friend. Had he just said "yes" to the charitable payment of his medical expenses when dealing with lung cancer, Walter would still have his health, family, career, and many lives would not have been lost. However, he succumbed to pride, much like we do as we resist the Way God has laid down for us.
What's so incredible about our God is that He knows we are prideful creatures, disrespecting and denying even the most gracious of gestures, yet He loves us anyways. He loves us so much that He would allow us to fall deeper and deeper into our own sins until we hit rock-bottom. Many do not land there neatly; most arrive by a splat! God allows us to follow our own way for the sole purpose of showing us that we are more in need of Him than we could ever imagine. I remember a time in my past where I said, "I have never felt so far away from God as I do right now." It was a devastatingly low point in my spiritual life where I had made mistake after mistake and my principles were simply becoming preferences. God couldn't have blessed me any better than to have me feel like that in that moment. This is because that specific instance was a turning point in my life, where I stopped relying on my own way. Yes, I have still messed up since then because I'm not perfect, but now I have chosen to receive Christ's grace.
All of this is to say that God is constantly knocking at our door. He desires to have an intimate and passionate relationship with us, so He let's play in our own filth for the time being. He allows loved ones to die, friends to get caught up in drugs, entire communities to be destroyed in a moment of horrific weather, and our own lives to be crushed under the weight of our own sins. God, the Great "I AM", sees that our current distresses are further purifying us so that we can allow Him to change our hearts. Just know that the next time God knocks at your door and lets more horrible things happen that it is for the sole sake of bringing you closer to Him. The theologian C.S. Lewis says it best in his book The Problem of Pain, "We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
With love.
