I AM: The One Who Knocks

If it's not already obvious by the picture and title of this post, I have to confess that I have been delving into the depths that is Breaking Bad. The story, at least from my Christian worldview, is a fantastic allegory that speaks to the moral depravity of human nature and the saving grace of God. To think that scenarios like what are portrayed in the show actually happen to real people completely blows my mind, but I guess it shouldn't be all too surprising considering our fleshly sin nature. So it is that for a moment I would like to unpack a few thoughts that this show has impressed upon me in relation to Christ.

Proverbs 16:18 states, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." Perhaps this is the entire basis for our current fallen state (as well as Walter's): that one man would chose his own way over humbly following God's. The first victim of pride was Adam. Now, Walter's own decisions are equally flawed. This is to say, when faced with the opportunity to have all of his debts washed away in an instant by a loving friend, instead Walter pridefully chose to work tediously for his own economic salvation. We all know where that got him: further down the methamphetamine rabbit hole. At every turn he found that things were spiraling out of control with more and more cold blood being shed by his own hand. As time continued on and business got further out-of-hand the pain and guilt that came with dealing and killing lessened to an almost nonexistent point. Sure, he was still affected by some distinct instances, but his heart was most definitely hardened to much of the gruesome results of his aforementioned pride.

At one point Walter is asked by his wife if he is in danger, to which he replies, "I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks!" How telling is this interaction (and how great is that line)! The man has gone full Heisenburg! A complete change has occured in his character that has brought him from a respected chemistry teacher to a deranged lunatic, all for the sake denying grace from a friend. Had he just said "yes" to the charitable payment of his medical expenses when dealing with lung cancer, Walter would still have his health, family, career, and many lives would not have been lost. However, he succumbed to pride, much like we do as we resist the Way God has laid down for us.

What's so incredible about our God is that He knows we are prideful creatures, disrespecting and denying even the most gracious of gestures, yet He loves us anyways. He loves us so much that He would allow us to fall deeper and deeper into our own sins until we hit rock-bottom. Many do not land there neatly; most arrive by a splat! God allows us to follow our own way for the sole purpose of showing us that we are more in need of Him than we could ever imagine. I remember a time in my past where I said, "I have never felt so far away from God as I do right now." It was a devastatingly low point in my spiritual life where I had made mistake after mistake and my principles were simply becoming preferences. God couldn't have blessed me any better than to have me feel like that in that moment. This is because that specific instance was a turning point in my life, where I stopped relying on my own way. Yes, I have still messed up since then because I'm not perfect, but now I have chosen to receive Christ's grace.

All of this is to say that God is constantly knocking at our door. He desires to have an intimate and passionate relationship with us, so He let's play in our own filth for the time being. He allows loved ones to die, friends to get caught up in drugs, entire communities to be destroyed in a moment of horrific weather, and our own lives to be crushed under the weight of our own sins. God, the Great "I AM", sees that our current distresses are further purifying us so that we can allow Him to change our hearts. Just know that the next time God knocks at your door and lets more horrible things happen that it is for the sole sake of bringing you closer to Him. The theologian C.S. Lewis says it best in his book The Problem of Pain, "We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

With love.

23 Years of Learning Where I Stand

 

Yet again, I have been a horrible blogger when it comes to keeping up with posting stuff. But there is a saying somewhere that talks about quality over quanitity. Yeah, let's go with that...

So, today I turn twenty-three years old. My life up to this point has had many ups and just as many downs, but nonetheless I am blessed. I shudder to think what my life would be like if I did not know my Creator or how orphaned I would be if I was not assured in knowing who my Father is. As I look at the life I have lived over the past twenty-three years, a very peculiar thing begins to stick out: the realization that I have been learning where I stand in this cosmic masterpiece. This is to say, the cataracts of my own selfishness and pride have long blinded me because I always found myself at the center of my own universe. I was my own god. But since I have begun the journey of exchanging my heart for His, the spirit-filled hymn "Amazing Grace" surely holds true: "I once was blind, but now I see."

This point becomes ever clearer as God continues to reveal the mystery of His Word to my feeble human mind. Here, let me show you... As Peter is concluding his second letter to a group of Christians, he writes, "But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen." (2 Peter 3:18) That statement is rather innocuous at first as it seems to just reiterate some of the main principles found within the Bible: be gracious, learn more about God, give Him the glory, prepare yourself for eternity. Got it! But there is sooo much more. In this post I want to take a moment to look at one little word found within this Scripture that puts everything into perspective: grace.

In our current culture, we think about grace as the catch-all of our actions. We are seduced by the notion of abounding grace which washes away all our sins and keeps us on the good side of God. Don't get me wrong, this is absolutely true. However, we use this word in such a way that it has become flippant and watered-down. Let me explain: the word "grace" is referenced as being given from our Lord Jesus Christ within the passage. This is astounding because grace is closely transliterated with a few other words, perhaps one of the foremost being pity. So God is telling us to grow in His pity for us. What does that mean? Well, pity is indicative of our current condition. It tells us that if left to captain our own ship, we would sink...quickly. Thus, the first and one of the most profound steps we will ever take on our journey to eternity is the realization that we are indeed in need of His pity. That we are pitiful.

Hence, it must be said that offered pity does little good if one does not accept it in the first place. Pulling yourself up by your own boot straps will never work. And neither will telling yourself that you're good enough on your own. You're not. I know that stings because it hits us right in the ego like when Luke Skywalker learns that Darth Vader is his father (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwvnRneMHiY). We desire so desperately not be desperate. We blind ourselves with our good deeds and comparisons to others that we never truly see ourselves for who we are. The anchor of pride is shackeled tightly around us even amongst the flood of Truth. We are not who we portray ourselves to be and have fallen short in even the smallest tests. However, this is precisely what God would have us recognize because it is a momento of His love for us.

I know this because every day I realize more and more just how disgusting I am in my flesh. Even on my best days I am still pure filth. But how awesome it is to know this!  It is in this light that we can truly understand God's purpose for our lives. Somehow He has still managed to pity me enough that He would redeem my soul amidst my failings. He tore the veil of my sin from the top down, forever establishing His perfect covenant with me. ME! The guy who is far from spotless. It reminds me of a song where the lyrics cry out "Oh my soul, Oh my Jesus. Judas sold You for thirty, I'd have done it for less" ("What Have We Done?" by Kings Kaleidoscope -- I highly recommend their music). Those words are piercing because every day I still sell myself to the lesser pleasures of life, forsaking the good things God would have for me if I would just listen. But I deny Him because my pride tells me that I know better. So it is that the fallacy of my flesh becomes ever more obvious.

What this offered measure of grace and pity does is it allows us see our own lives as deeply in need of redemption, where our flesh would immediately fail apart from God's providence. Without God's immeasurable love, I would cease to be. As I look at life through this lense, the Scriptural precept of blessing my enemies no longer stands in stark contrast to what my heart would have me do. They are in just as desperate need of pity as I am, but they have yet to shed the chains that bond them in servitude to their sins. Their biggest impedement is their own selfishness and pride because they, like my former self, have made themselves their own god. What a small universe it is that these people inhabit. C.S. Lewis wrote in his book The Screwtape Letters, "When He talks of their losing their selves, He only means abandoning the clamour of self-will; once they have done that, He really gives them back all their personality, and boasts...that when they are wholly His they will be more themselves than ever." This truth cannot be overstated. Apart from God, we are just a shadow of our truest selves. The worldly pleasures that we know are few and fleeting, needing to be replenished ritually. Whether it be material things, alcohol, drugs, sex, or the like, they never fully satisfy our desires, but leave us wanting more. Its truly insatiable.

The point I'm wanting to really hit home is that God has called us to grow in His grace for a reason: to know that we all are in need of saving and that He has provided the means. With this in mind, we must extend the same love and pity offered to us to the very people that surround us. Not because they deserve it, but because the example has been set in our own lives as Christians by our Savior. Likewise, the person who receives presents on their birthday gets them freely, but they undoubtedly cost the giver. So it is with grace. Love the unlovable. Pity the prideful. Defend the Gospel with your lives.

With love.

Living an Anabolic Faith

I like to lift things up, then put them down. That is to say, one of my absolute favorite things to do is going to the gym. It's a time where I can continually and consistently challenge myself to the brink of my capabilities, feeling the strain of each and every rep along the way. It's intoxicating. When I train, I have a specific goal in mind for each day as to what body part I want to focus on and how I want to accomplish the best results. For instance, one of the staples of my regimen is always training the largest body part first if I am hitting more than one muscle group in a single day. This is important because it allows your body to produce a higher amount of naturally occurring growth hormones than it would otherwise. In a nutshell, you'll gain more muscle that way.

But wait, there's more! Interestingly, when working out you are putting your body into a catabolic state. That's a fancy way of saying that there is actually a break down of muscle. You might be thinking to yourself, "How in the world do muscles get bigger then?!" Well, here's your answer: muscles are broken down in the gym, but are built up over the coming hours and days by introducing your body to the necessary amounts of carbohydrates, proteins, and fats, as well as allowing your body to rest. This influx of macronutrients helps to gain muscle mass by putting your body into an anabolic state. Anabolism simply means to build up or synthesize - a handy and much needed biological process. If this were not to occur, then we would pretty much waste away and die. That wouldn't be very fun. However, if we are consistent in turning our catabolism into anabolism via a proper diet, then health, strength, and aesthetics are in your future.

It's crazy how God has placed all these biological processes together in a way that allows us not just to survive, but to thrive. However, there's an even bigger picture as to how all of this relates to God. Going to the gym, putting ourselves through intense pain and suffering, and feeling the effects for days afterwards is much like how God uses tragedies and misfortunes in our lives that break us down. The initial pain hurts, the thoughts of failure or mourning linger, but God was not haphazard in planning our discourse. Since the beginning of creation He knew the parts of our lives that needed to be worked on, so He allowed pain in those areas to render the best possibility of growth. What's even better, He gave us nourishment to produce an anabolic faith. The Bible is actually food for our spirit, giving sustenance and replenishing us. This is to say, when we are fraught with pain and fear, that is the precise moment that we are to turn to God and His Word. There is no better nourishment than that. What it produces is a healthy revelation of God's sovereignty and power, strength through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, and positive attitude of love no matter the circumstances that ultimately glorifies your Creator.

Perhaps the last thing most people want to do when faced with pain is to look for the appropriate nourishment. Many would be content with dwelling in the negativity of the situation. However, this is exactly the opposite of what God wants. He wants us to turn to Him when it's the hardest and He seems so far away. He wants us to seek out an anabolic faith amidst the pain. Hence, when we focus and have a well thought-out directive, results will occur. It is when we consistently turn to Him over and over and over again that we become so much more than what we once were. Continually we are renewed, being shaped into strong vessels of Christ that can do more than just withstand the pain - now we've been given the strength to lift others up as well.

Friends, let me leave you with the words of Paul: "for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil" (Hebrews 5:13-14).

With love.

Annnnd I'm Back

Oh my blog, how I have neglected thee! Well, I'm ready to start writing and sharing my faith again, but maybe this time I won't take a random year-and-a-half hiatus...

To begin, I just want to share some words or phrases that come to my mind quite alot these days and could perhaps be the topics of future posts.

1. Grace and Mercy
2. Love
3. Being a Godly Man
4. Accountability
5. Hypocrisy
6. Judgement
7. Wisdom vs. Knowledge
8. Worship
9. Hope
10. Proverbs 31
11. Patience
12. Seasons
13. Covenant
14. Flesh
15. Prodigal
16. Power of Prayer

 Finally, I would like to end this post with a written prayer.

Abba, Father, you are so beyond anything I could ever imagine or deserve. Your love for me is undeniable and your forgiveness even more so. I so often am a slave to my sins, shackled by my flesh and desires. But Lord, you and you alone can relinquish me and forgive me for what I have done. Your mercies bring a joy to my heart that I cannot explain. It is so much more than just a fleeting emotion. It is permanent. Even when I have wronged you, you forget my transgressions and see me as clean. Lord, thank you for the blood of Christ who cleanses all of my sins, who takes away all my iniquities. I pray that you would indwell me with the fullness of the Holy Spirit as I try to live my life as living sacrifice, continually putting on the new self every morning. Every breath you give to me I want to give back to you in glory. Every heart beat I want to beat for you. Lord, speak through me and the words I say and write. Bless them and let them be fruitful. Let them fall not on rocks, but on receptive soil so that you might let them grow in the hearts of those who see and hear. Let their hearts not be calloused, but be receptive to the living and ever present good news of Jesus Christ. Lord, humble me so that I might serve you with a willing heart, not out of pride or boasting, but out of a sincere love for you. Abba, I love you with every ounce of my spirit and I pray that my life reflects that. I pray all of these things in Jesus name. Amen.

With love.

The Proposal :)

Valentine's Day is coming up in a few days, so I thought that now would be a great time for this! I'm sure you've heard of some amazing, lovey-dovey proposals that were beyond adorable and were definitely the product of some hardcore planning. Maybe the guy pulled a sneak attack, went behind enemy lines, and rummaged all throughout Pinterest to find some radically dreamy ideas that would make his sweetheart melt to the floor and scream "yes!" at the top of her lungs. Or maybe he kept it simple and just got down on one knee in their favorite and most memorable place. Whatever the case is, I can absolutely tell you without a doubt that they completely fail in comparison to what you're about to read. I'm really excited, so I'll go ahead and tell you that the answer was "YES!!!" Enjoy, my friend!

To set the stage, the proposal involved love to the highest extent. It was filled and fueled by agape love, otherwise known as the highest form of love in existence. Agape (pronounced uh-gah-pay) love has nothing to do with erotic love or brotherly love. It is in fact the only type of love that goes beyond conditions and is completely selfless in nature. Agape love is an unconditional, undestroyable, passionate pursuit. It even holds firm when that same love isn't always returned because it cannot be earned. There are no bounds holding it back or bondage restraining its power. It is relentless and can oftentimes be reckless in its desire to love no matter the blemishes presented to it. Agape love, in short, is unmatched and unquestionably pure. The proposal was in no way lacking these characteristics. Who could say "no" to this?!?

However, the proposal didn't go down as I would have expected. The route that was decided on was typical, yet totally unimaginable. It involved the bending of knees, the full dedication of a heart, a forgiving love, and the promise of marriage. It somehow managed to be both the most beautiful and most atrocious event in all of eternity. Friend, the proposal I've been speaking about isn't what you may have been thinking. This proposal was made by Jesus Christ to us during His crucifixion. He bent His knees under the burden of 39 lashes across His back, as well as the cross He was forced to carry. His heart beat not for Himself, but for us. He prayed in His final breaths that God might forgive us of our inhumanities. He promised to come back for His bride, the church, so that He could spend eternity with her. His love was pure and His motives were calculated, costing Him His life. Wow.

The Bible speaks of Christ's proposal to us: "For God so loved (agape) the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16). "But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8). "Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us." (Romans 8:34).

I want to point out that Jesus did not wait for us to attempt to make ourselves presentable in order to die for us. Instead, He gave Himself up for us, asking for our hand and heart in marriage even in our torn and tattered condition. He did not look past the drug and alcohol addictions, physical and emotional abuse, and all the times we've slept in someone else's bed. No, He stared our innumerable sins directly in the eyes and asked us to join Him for eternity. No conditions. No alterior motives. Nothing but agape love. Even after we've cursed His name and denounced his power, He still pleads for our love because He wants to make us beautiful and perfect. He is jealous for our hearts.

One last thing: Christ is "interceding" for us. Let the weight of that statement rest on your mind for a moment. Imagine Christ literally sticking up for you, declaring to God that YOU are both perfect and worthy of being in the presence and glory of God for all of eternity. He's "forgotten" your sinful past now because He has made you worthy to be His eternal bride, as the church. His proposal was the beginning of the intercession for your soul. All He asks is that you say "yes."  The question is: have you?

With love.

"God, I think You're running a bit late..."

If I didn't know better, I would think that God was a woman because He loves to make us wait so much. Sorry, ladies! :) Joking aside, God's timing just doesn't seem to fit our timing very often. We're so ready to go, do, build, create, develop, expand, multiply, improve, magnify, strengthen or escalate whatever project we seem to find ourselves in as quickly as possible because we've got our own big plans, but that's not always what God has in mind. I think this is especially true in our current generation. We're all about instantaneousness: instant messaging, instant cash, instant emails, instant coffee, instant noodles, blah blah blah. God, on the other hand, likes to take His time because, after all, it is His. But why is He so engrossed in making us wait?

Well, I remember back to when I was a young, little tyke that absolutely loved Legos. Honestly, I could spend hours upon hours with those bite-sized blocks (don't ask me how I know this), creating whatever my imagination would allow me. My favorite sets by far, however, were always the Star Wars kits. One time in particular, I really, absolutely, positively, with all my heart wanted the Millenium Falcon kit so I could fly around like Han Solo. After much ranting, pleading, annoyance, and whatever other forms of persuasion my young self was capable of at the time my parents ordered it for me! They told me it would be six to eight weeks before the package arrived at our house. Worst news ever. Nonetheless, every single day as soon as my mom took me home from school, I checked to see if there was any sign of a package at our doorstep. My mind was fixated on the thought of building my own Millenium Falcon and getting to destroy the evil Sith empire with it. My heart hoped with every sinew of its being that it would arrive early. Six to eight weeks later, what I had so desperately longed for found its way to my house. I'm relatively sure that no means of separation could have pried my new toy from my chubby, little hands for the next few days, maybe even weeks. Satisfaction.

I tell that story to better explain this: God so often makes us wait because He loves to see our giddy, childlike reactions when He blows our minds with something even better than what we expected after such a long, hopeful period of waiting on Him. Just as I was vigilant, attentive, and focused only on what my heart was set for, an ADHD-satisfying Millenium Falcon, He wants and expects that same eager watchfulness from us when following His plan for our lives. What He has in store for us is so much better than a few plastic blocks. Our faith as we wait on our Creator binds us ever-closer to Him, keeping our hearts and minds set on Him and the ultimate goal of conforming ourselves to that of Christ. You gotta know He loves that. "Checking our doorstep" constantly with hopeful expectation and trust in our Lord's provision under any and all circumstances is a sign of the childlike faith God loves to see in us, even when our package doesn't arrive as quickly as desired.

But there's more. God makes us wait in order to refine us and make us stronger, so that we might realize our desperate need for Him and ultimately glorify Himself in the process. Psalm 27:14 emphasizes this point - "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" A blacksmith heats iron with fire so that he can bend and mold it to the form that he wishes, then he hardens it by "quenching" it through immersion in water. God works in much the same way. He allows bad things to happen in our lives like sickness, cancer, car wrecks, rape, and abuse in order to mold us. It is in these darkest moments that we realize our infinite and eternal need for something more than what this world has to offer. We might prefer something kinder than the hell-on-earth He would have us go through, but the juxtaposition of such fiery events against the eternal hope that is in Jesus Christ offers an even sweeter victory in Him and in the cross. For some the fire burns more intensely than for others, but He offers the same triumphant conclusion for all: He "quenches" us. He baptizes us in the Spirit of Life and of Love, hardening us into the tools He ultimately created us to be. God is glorified because we are tools used for holy purposes, instead of the worldly ways our former flesh might pursue. The quenching of our former selves is evidence of God's perfect, unexplainable grace. We don't deserve it, but we've been offered it.

How have you answered? It's by no accident that you're reading this post. Since the beginning of time, God has planned for you to read these words and for them to affect your heart in some way or another. You didn't know it, but your entire life you've been waiting to see this message. Maybe your life has mostly been spent in the "fire." People have rejected, neglected, and affected you in ways that only make you hurt. You've heard of "love," but you've never felt it. My friend, God has not forgotten or forsaken you. He's brought you here because He wants you to see and understand that He loves you infinitely more than you'll ever deserve. The foremost way He has shown that is through Jesus Christ dying on the cross to pay for our debts, which we couldn't ever pay back on our own. You've waited long enough to reply. Right now He's giving you a chance to say "yes!" He's offered to quench you and make you strong amidst a world that tries to tear you apart. Friend, immerse yourself in the water. John 4:14 says, "...the water that I shall give him shall become in him a well of water springing up unto eternal life." Don't wait any longer to take up the offer! God has not run late in your life, so I beg of you to not let your answer run late either.

With love.

Not Of This World

Have you ever just felt compelled to lie on your back at night and gaze at the starry spectacle above us? For me, it's one of my favorite things to do. I could spend hours upon hours just admiring the wonder of God's creation and the universe He spoke into motion. As it so happens, I felt a deep longing in my heart to go to one of my favorite places tonight and to just look up. To watch. To worship. Without fail, God revealed a tiny bit more of the glory of His work to me...

Looking into the stars, it is obvious that each is placed intentionally and delicately by Him. However, we can only see the far off balls of light when we shut out all other illumination and focus directly on them. When we let our own man-made light sources pollute our gaze, we lose focus of the beauty and glory of our Creator in His work. He wants us to experience Him through what He has made for us, but it seems that so often we let our own worldly "lights" get in the way. We don't see the beauty of His plan because we are so caught up in our own. Even more so, it's impossible to see the wondrous refinement and elegance of far off galaxies when we have our very own LED Maglite shining directly in our pupils. The same can be said for God's wants and desires for our lives becoming eclipsed by our own selfishness, iniquity, and pride.

I think what compels me so much to place myself prostrate upon the ground in admiration of what the Lord has made is the fact that I know that's what I have a stake in: the eternal glory of God that He makes manifest in His creation. As much as I enjoy the earthly things that I get to do and the fun I get to have, there's still a longing in my heart for something more, something better. I was not made simply for this world. No, I was made for something far beyond the toils, trials, and tribulations I find myself in. When I look into the sky, I see a glimpse of the glory of God that is to come, the future hope that I have in Christ as His co-heir. He has not only made us His children, but kings! "Unto Him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in His own blood, and hath made us kings and priests unto God and His Father…" (Rev. 1:5-6). "Thou…hast redeemed us unto God by Thy blood out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation; and hast made us unto our God kings and priests: and we shall reign on the earth" (Rev. 5:9-10). Just as the stars don't even give us the tiniest peek into the beauty of God, we cannot even begin to understand or fathom the depth of what God has done for us through His Son. We can only fall down in amazement and praise His mighty craftsmenship as we watch His plan come together. So it is that our sonship relies very little on our own understanding, but infinitely on our faith in Him and His plan.

It is a mighty thing to watch! When I look into the star-filled night, it's almost like I'm looking at the front-side of God's tapestry. For us, a tapestry is simply a piece of designed fabric that is embroidered onto a canvas. The textiles are woven together to make a beautiful, nonreversible image. One side has immense beauty, while the other side is frayed and is seemingly without form. Much is the same with our current condition. We view our lives and see frayed edges, misplaced threads, and uncareful stitching. But, friend, we are only looking at the back of His tapestry. What He sees is a universe that He takes great joy in, something upon which He called "good", His ultimate word of approval. God has the perfect perspective of His perfectly woven creation, where ours is distorted by our sins. It just seems that every now and then, when I set my eyes on the stars above, I see the other side of His tapestry and the world I am truly meant for.

With love.